The Conjuring (2013) - Horror movie review (No Spoilers!)- The Creepy Critter

I have to start this review by giving credit where its due! I watched "The Conjuring" with a casual cinema goer and they were suitably absolutely terrified and unnerved! Certainly they got what they came and paid for, and in that respect therefore "The Conjuring" is a success. How does the movie hold up however, under intense scrutiny from the bloodshot beady eye of the dedicated horror fan?

"The Conjuring" supposedly recreates the real life events as experienced by members of the Perron family and paranormal investigators / demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren. The PR for the film would have you believe that this is a case file so horrendous, that the Warrens’ kept the details hidden from the public eye for many years! The case in question concerns the demonic infestation of a house with a long history of tragedy and murder, that was once inhabited by a satanic witch! The Perron family purchase the house completely unaware of this horrible history, and ready to start their new lives in the country. Of course its not long before all hell comes a’ knocking! and the family are forced to turn to the Warrens’ to try and save their souls! The main story arc is interwoven with the story of another famous Warren case file, concerning the demonic inhabitation of a "creepy as feck" old doll.

"The Conjuring" is very well acted throughout, with Vera Farmiga (Lorraine Warren) and Patrick Wilson (Ed Warren) deserving special mention for their depiction of the Warrens. The chemistry between the two actors is completely believable and endearing. Indeed you will care about all of the main characters in this film, and that is a very important part of the what this film does so right.

It is totally fair to say that "The Conjuring" does nothing new, in fact it contains every haunted house movie cliche in the book, and as with so many demon inspired movies of late, much of the space between the truly scary parts of the film are filled in with much demonic door slamming from the unseen entities! I mean jeez if i was a paranormal investigator i would solve half the problem by removing the doors in the house and shouting “how you like them apples!” loud enough for all of hell and its pesky demons to hear. Let me suggest a drinking game for you to play whilst you watch "The Conjuring"! Make a check-list of every haunted house movie cliche you can think of and then take a shot of vodka, tequila or whiskey whenever you see one of these cliches in the film. I can assure you that you will be as drunk as a skunk before the half way mark of the movie!

Creepy basement - Check
Spooked pets - Check
Stopped clocks - Check
Child playing with unseen friend - Check
Reluctant priest - check!!!! etc etc etc

You get the picture!!!

For me the film was particularly reminiscent of “Amityville” and “The haunting in Connecticut” which of course are two other horror films based on supposedly true events that involved the warrens'. One could therefore argue that many of the haunted house cliches the film contains are actually the typical signs and symptoms of a home gripped tight in the grasp of demonic forces.

So there you have it "The Conjuring" is 112 minutes of cliche after cliche......................
All of them used superbly! and boy is "The Conjuring" ferociously fantastic for it!!!!!

As with the recent "Evil Dead" remake, yes "The Conjuring" is nothing new, but its something old remixed, relaunched and tweaked almost to perfection! There is no filler in "The Conjuring", no dead space at all, the pacing of the movie is absolutely spot on, you are always unnerved, constantly worried for the Perron family and the Warrens' which keeps you intently focused on the film and therefore the scares as they start to come thick and fast in the last half of the film have all the more impact and jump effect! Its all in here! Witches, demons, exorcisms, ghosts and possessions all held in place by a tight script that slowly reveals the mystery of the house and just how big a demonic kahuna the Perron family and Ed and Lorraine are facing! The creepy Annabelle doll subplot works really well and is seamlessly interwoven with the main storyline despite initially beginning as a very separate story, this in itself a sign of a really well written and directed film.

Is "The Conjuring" the best haunted house movie of all time? i wont answer that right now, but the fact that i a seasoned, battle scarred horror film veteran is even thinking about that question, should tell you just how brilliant this movie is. 8.7 Skulls out of ten!

Knightmare Tower! IOS Game review - Ghoulie get yer game on!

Whilst the iTunes app store continues to see a rise in more complex proper console type gaming (x-com, grand theft auto, final fantasy), it remains for now overwhelmingly the spiritual home of casual gaming! Many of the most successful and highest grossing games on the App Store are played with controls that require little more physical input than repeatedly tapping the screen with a single finger at the appropriate moment! Knightmare tower the latest offering from developers Juicy Beast is certainly of this ilk.

With such simple game mechanics, ultimately these type of games live and die by the quality of their presentation and addictiveness! That elusive “just one more go factor!”. Well i can tell you ghoulfiends and gentlecreeps that Knightmare tower has both in abundance with big shiny cherries on top!

You are the titular Knight of Knightmare tower! Your job is to reach the top of a treacherous and terrifying tower rescuing princesses and generally being a medieval bad ass along the way! You begin the game free falling down through the tower after launching into the air atop an iron rocket and must attempt to rise back up by slamming down on a myriad of flying beasties, monsters and demons! Every monster you hit in succession results in an increase of speed of ascendancy and takes you further away from a fiery lava that is also climbing the tower literally “hot” on your tail! Movement of your Knight is achieved by tilting your device left or right and touching the screen to perform a downward attack on your monstrous legion of enemies! Every so often you will reach and smash through a ceiling, freeing the princess of that part of the tower. As with all the best examples of casual games, there is a hidden tactical depth to the gameplay of Knightmare tower and as the game progresses quick thinking and good hand eye coordination will certainly be needed to see you through! As you reach greater heights within the tower you are confronted by an ever widening array of beasties to slay and not all of them are simple sword fodder! Many will take multiple hits to destroy, wizard types will attempt to bring you down with magic orbs, dragons will fill the screen with fireballs and other creatures are only temporarily vulnerable displaying for the rest of their time on screen large sharp spikes eager to take one of your lives if you slam down on them at the wrong moment! The higher you rise the more the action intensifies and soon you will find yourself with every type of monster to deal with on screen at once and the deeper tactics of monster time management come into play!

 Having just one go on Knightmare tower would be the equivalent of helping yourself to just a single pringle from a newly opened tube...it just aint gonna happen! This game is stickier than bubble gum dipped in honey! The action is fast and furious with each play lasting an average of just 2 or 3 minutes. The rate of progression is paced perfectly and you find yourself constantly wanting to inch closer to different achievements and goals or collecting enough money to level up your character! The game contains a shop, where gold you have collected during gameplay can be spent on more lives, potions, stronger attacks etc.

Monster fans will love Knightmare tower! It features a lovingly crafted menagerie of creatures, all depicted in a detailed and colourful art style that to me was almost reminiscent of eighties british comics such as whizzer and chips and the likes of OINK!. The game doesn't credit the artist but i believe its a person referred to as “J-P” on the developers website. The games soundtrack supplied by “HyperDuck soundworks” also deserves special mention, its an absolute perfect fit for the game. Heroic and jaunty with medieval overtones conveyed by an occasional choir of maidens.

As with all these casual type games Knightmare tower does of course have a limited shelf life. Such simple game mechanics can only afford a game so much longevity before actions start to feel repetitive. However for a period of a good few days i literally played nothing else and for the paltry sum of just £1.99 the level of enjoyment you will get from the game represents brilliant value.

So there you have it! Dag nabbit! Knightmare tower is a great example of casual gameplay executed with style and aplomb! Ghoulie recommends you get your game on!

Click here for Iphone version of "Knightmare tower" on the app store

Click here for the Ipad version of "Knightmare tower" on the app store

"The Kraken" new sea monster inspired artwork from Giant monster kid and the entity

"The Kraken" by Giant monster kid and the entity (Names on the artwork for protection purposes only & do not feature on the actual painting or print

New artwork from giant monster kid and the entity inspired by a love of sea monsters and this sonnet from Alfred Tennyson published in 1830:

Below the thunders of the upper deep;
Far far beneath in the abysmal sea,
His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep
The Kraken sleepeth: faintest sunlights flee
About his shadowy sides; above him swell
Huge sponges of millennial growth and height;
And far away into the sickly light,
From many a wondrous grot and secret cell
Unnumber'd and enormous polypi
Winnow with giant arms the slumbering green.
There hath he lain for ages, and will lie
Battening upon huge seaworms in his sleep,
Until the latter fire shall heat the deep;
Then once by man and angels to be seen,
In roaring he shall rise and on the surface die.

Giant monster kid and the entity specialise in horror and sci fi themed artwork and this piece was originally painted with acrylics on canvas.

Close up of some of the detail on "The Kraken" by giant monster kid and the entity

limited edition signed and numbered prints are available from their etsy store

http://www.etsy.com/shop/ghosttrainshop

"Tales to Tremble by" - A classic collection of horror - It came from the attic! part 1

As a young child and fervent ”monster kid” when i needed a big ol’ dose of horror i had a “go to book” that had a place in my heart that could be held by no other and that revered tome was “tales to tremble by”. I still remember discovering the book on the shelves of Whsmith and being equally terrified and yet fascinated by the wonderfully creepy front cover. From the outside, the book promised a trove of terrible treasures and it certainly did not disappoint!

"Tales to tremble by" hardback front cover (1984)

Not to be confused with the better known “tales to tremble by” published in the sixties by the whitmans classic imprint which was a collection of short stories and prose from the likes of Bram Stoker and Charles Dickens. My “tales to tremble by” was published originally in 1974 and then as a second edition in 1984 both times by World International Publishing Ltd.

"Tales to tremble by" hardback back cover (1984)

The hardback second edition features much of the original content from the 1974 edition but also includes reprints of stories from the Dracula spine chillers annual released in 1982 also from World international publishing limited. Interestingly these comic book adaptions originally appeared in the pages of house of hammer magazine, so they are certainly well travelled.

Dracula annual

Various "The house of hammer" magazine covers.

The book is a bumper collection of short stories and comic strips and includes the comic-book adaptions of sherlock Holmes and the hound of the Baskervilles, as well as hammer horror’s Dracula and twins of evil. The book runs to 189 pages in total.

The full contents are:

Plants of Doom

Jettison Pod

Macabre Miscellany

The hound of the Baskervilles ( comic strip)

Tunnels of Terror

Warworld

Superior Science

Terrors of the Kalahari

The lions Mane

The Night Creatures

The frightening tale of Jamie McGregor

Life or death for Jerry

Dracula ( comic strip)

Sole survivor

Carnival at war

Death in dunstable creek

The fiery point incidents

Two in the bush

Twins of evil ( comic strip )

The body stealers

Village of fear

Computerad

And the children are quite fond of him really

The volunteer

Charles A Milverton

What has made me comeback to this book again and again over the years is that it is all chiller and no filler! The highlights for me are the comic strip adaptions which are all beautifully illustrated, highly cinematic in style and perfectly paced but this is not to take anything away from the collection of short stories. These stories cover a wide range of supernatural & sci fi staples including the ghost of a teacher in “the children are quite fond of him really”, the devil worshippers of “the night creatures” and the alien civilizations of “tunnels of terror”. Also included are three stories from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle of Sherlock Holmes fame, these are the aforementioned “hound of the Baskervilles”, “Charles .A. milverton” and finally “The lions mane”.

Interestingly not all the stories in the book are credited and the hammer horror comic adaptions feature no credits at all, however with some in depth and obsessive research i think i have been able to pin down the artist of Dracula as Paul Neary and the collaborative artists for “twins of evil” as Chris Lowder and an artist who became better known for his fantasy paintings, Blas Gallego.

Frame from "Twins of Evil" comic book adaption

In conclusion, any horror addict that owns this book will have secured a piece of horror gold! They just dont do collections like this anymore. The collection feels like it was put together by someone will a real love for the genre, and the choices in stories really thought through. Now over 35 years old the book has become an excellent nostalgia trip including as it does the hammer horror film adaptions, but also in the fact the other stories concentrate on building suspense and sinister atmosphere through proper story telling that includes a beginning, middle and end rather than just hitting readers with an endless torrent of gore for gores sake.

As a little present to my ghoulfiends and gentlecreeps, i have uploaded the "twins of evil" comic adaption in PDF format, available to download and read here: http://www.ghost-train.co.uk/twinsofevil.pdf

Book review: Gris Grimly's wicked nursery rhymes

Gris Grimly is an artist and story teller whose style is dipped deeply in some hot horror sauce! Well known for his macabre slant on traditional children’s fairy tales, Mr Grimly has also tried his hand at short movies including “cannibal flesh riot” (2006) and music video’s. It was recently announced that no less than Guillermo del Toro will be co-directing a stop motion adaption of one of Gris Grimly’s first books “Pinocchio” with Gris serving as an executive director.

The book i am covering here today is called “Gris Grimly’s wicked nursery rhymes” which was published in 2003 by baby tattoo books (ISBN 0-9729388-7-7). My copy is a hardback that features a wonderfully illustrated sleeve by the man Gris Grimly himself. Behind the sleeve on the actual book cover is an engraving style motif of a witch atop her broomstick! The back cover features a wonderful recommendation from no less than Clive Barker himself, the words of which you can see in the first image below.

Hardcover front for "Wicked nursery rhymes"

Wicked nursery rhymes is a fairly short book but it does manage to pack in 8 different nursery rhymes that have been brought back to life by the mad artistic scientist that is Mr Grimly and just as is always the case with such diabolical experiments, these tales have returned far darker and twisted than their original twee selves! 

Grim Grimly's Wicked nursery rhyme outer inlay

The eight stories included are:

Father Grim

Miss Muffet

Fuzzy Wuzzy

Jack and Jill

Mistress Mary

Jumping Joan

Little Bo Peep

Nimble Jack

Every page features one or more illustrations from Gris, and they are simply spooktacular!
They just scream with character, and whilst cute retain a proper edginess and folksy feel that is lacking in much of the chibi kawaii type horror art that is fashionable at the moment. Many of the plates within the book would make excellent prints in themselves. I have included some of my favorite examples below:

"Fuzzy wuzzy" by Gris Grimly

"Jumping Joan" by Gris Grimly

"Miss Muffet" by Gris Grimly

All but the youngest of readers will finish the book within 10 minutes without pausing to admire the artwork considering that the book is only 32 pages long from start to finish. None the less packed within those 32 pages is an incredibly rich dark humor that will often produce an evil chuckle in the reader. The book manages easily to walk that very thin tightrope of being dark and dirty enough to appeal to adults whilst being silly and fantastical enough to appeal to young children. This is definitely a book you will regularly come back to and read with your sprogs again and again. My favourite story in the book is called "fuzzy wuzzy" which i include here to give you an idea of the twisted and humorous writing style:

"A poor wretched bear was named Fuzzy.

Still the question remains, but was he?

Born with no hair.

He was oddly bare,

and a little bit stinky and scuzzy"

Fuzzy Wuzzy - By Gris Grimly from "Wicked Nursery Rhymes"

Gris Grimly is a helluva artist and once you know his style you will recognize it anywhere! If one were to be hyper critical you could say his writing whilst good is not on the same par as his artwork, but none the less as a whole package gris grimly’s wicked nursery rhymes is a book well worth owning and i highly recommend it to horror fans and monster mates both young and old!

Night of the Demons (1988)! Horror movie review

The eighties are quite rightly revered as a golden decade of horror. What stands out in so many of the horror films made during this period is a genuine love for the genre carried through in movies with budgets both large and small.

Right from the off with its introductory animated sequence you can see that “night of the demons” is a horror film that has been lovingly crafted. The storyline itself is nothing ground breaking involving as it does a group of partying teenagers beseiged by evil spirits in a spooky house with a history but its just done with such aplomb and character that you cant help but enjoy the hell ride!!! The story takes place on the night of the halloween as a group of young un’s travel to an old house in the middle of nowhere to attend a party being thrown by party girl suzanne and her friend Angela, who just so happens to have a strong interest in the occult. The group decide to hold a seance as part of a party game which needless to say unleashes a savage group of demons that are hungry for fresh meat, murder and mayhem!

Special effects and make-up duties were carried out by Steve Johnson and they are simply monstermendous! This is one area of the film that on recent viewing has not aged at all. The blood looks real! The demons are suitably rotten! and i would not expect anything less from a man with this guys pedigree seeing as he has provided special effects and makeup duties for a ton of terror tales including the howling, ghostbusters, the fog, nightmare on elm street and bad moon to name but a few. An interesting piece of trivia for fright fans is that Steve Johnson ended up marrying Linnea Quigley who plays the part of Suzanne in the film.

A couple of standout scenes from the film include Angela performing an erotic dance to the bauhaus song “stigmata martyr” as she slowly becomes possessed by a demon and the character suzanne proving her nipples are as practical as they are pert! by using them as storage for her make-up!!! You really need to see the latter to understand this properly!

Angela as the demon begins to take hold!

Suzanne about to get real freaky with her nipples!!!

Audio is superb for the film throughout and makes excellent use of traditional haunted attraction type sound effects that really add to the halloween atmosphere of the film.

Night of the demons does suffer a little from the variance of acting ability on display! Without naming names, whilst there are some standout performances this invariably draws even more attention to those not quite on the same par as their fellow thespians!!!

In conclusion, Night of the demons is not a master piece and it never sets out to be! But it most certainly is a frightfully fun filled rotten romp of a horror movie, that was clearly put together with love and an intention to detail. Final score: 7.5 skulls out ten!

Happy Wendigo Wednesday, ghoulfiends and gentlecreeps!

The Wendigo also known as (windigo, weendigo, windago, waindigo, windiga, witiko, wihtikow) is a monster born of native american traditions and folklore. Should a person happen to partake in cannabalism then they run the risk of being possessed by an evil spirit that curses them with an insatiable appetite for human flesh. Whilst the descriptions from different tribes do differ invariably the appearance of the afflicted becomes demonic and in time they become a full on furred, furious and frightful beast! 

In some cases the Wendigo like werewolves are for the most part able to keep a human appearance and only change under certain conditions but in most tales of the Wendigo the change from human to beast is a permanent one and once fully transformed they head for forests and caves to live, hunt & store bodies! The more humans on which the Wendigo feasts, the bigger it becomes and so to does its appetite!

Some psychologists recognize a mental disorder known as wendigo-syndrome, where a person craves human flesh even when other food is readily available! The psychosis is considered to be culture bound amongst aboriginal people. In the 20th century reported cases of Wendigo syndrome are virtually non-existent and most experts question whether it actually really existed.

Traditional Native American depiction of a "Wendigo"

Recently a Wendigo featured in an episode of the popular, long running tv show “supernatural” (series:1, episode:2, September 20th, 2005) . While trying to find their father, John Winchester, Sam and Dean help a family whose brother has gone missing on a camping trip. He has been taken by a Wendigo, but they find him alive in a cavern where the Wendigo stores its victims as living food sources. Dean kills the creature by shooting it with a flare gun.

"Wendigo" as featured in an episode of the "Supernatural TV series"

More scenes from the "Supernatural tv series" featuring a "Wendigo"

A particularly great use of the wendigo legend is seen in the short-lived tv series “fear itself”. In a genuinely horrible , disturbing and well scripted episode called “skin and bones” (series:1, episode:8) Rancher Grady Edlund returns home to his family after being lost in the forest for a number of days. He is possessed by a Wendigo, and the episode follows his descent into madness and monsterdom as he invariably ends up trying to eat his whole family!!!

Scenes from the "fear itself" episode called "skin and bones"

A wendigo also makes a fleeting appearance in the monstermendous brilliance that is “cabin in the woods”. The creature is seen briefly on a surveillance monitor attacking members of the security forces.

"Wendigo" on the rampage in "Cabin in the woods".

The wendigo has appeared in many marvel comic’s story-lines, with various humans being affected by the curse and then doing battle with the likes of Hulk, Wolverine and Alpha flight.

So there you have it! A little homage from the creepy critter to the wonderfully worry-some Wendigo! Hope you enjoyed it ghoul-fiends and gentlecreeps and have a fangtastic wendigo wednesday!!!